..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
