You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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