I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
