Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
