No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
