I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
