I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
