apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
