when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
