He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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