I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
