BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
