I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
