i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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