I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
