"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
