doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
