I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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