He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
