Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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