i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
