3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and she was petting her beer can
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
