He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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