So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
