All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
