ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
