I feel like abortions should bother me more
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
