There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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