she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
