Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
