She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
