Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
