yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
