You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
