the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
