What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
