Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I want her autograph on my taint
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want nice things and good sex
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
