I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
