There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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