So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
