im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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