I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
