i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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