There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
