Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
