I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
