i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
