At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
