I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
false alarm. still invincible.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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