You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
