I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
