Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
