Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
