so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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