Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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