that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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