so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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