I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have post one night stand depression
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
