Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
