we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
